It’s OCTOBER! I realized that via twitter Saturday morning on my walk! Whitney and I were in Houston visiting our Papa and Gramma. My grandfather has been recovering from surgery and it has been really tough on him. He has had throat problems, which affects his eating, he hasn’t been able to swallow so all he can eat is protein shakes and now he has a blood clot in his leg. It has been so tough on him and my Gramma. After talking with my Mom on the phone I decided we definitely needed to go visit them and bring some encouragement! When we got there, Papa had just gone down for a nap, hearing the doorbell my adorable curious George of a Papa got up and came to see us, he says he, “knew it was me!”. We hadn’t told him that Whitney was coming, so she was a surprise! We were hugging him and Gramma said “oh Papa is going to cry!” When we looked at him we saw she was right. He was crying so hard. This whole time has worn him down and I think seeing Whitney and I was enough to break the flood gates. Of course Whitney and I started crying. I just told him over and over again how much we love him. It was a beautiful moment and I will never forget how love I felt as my Grandfather broke down with overwhelming love for his granddaughters. I know God planned our trip and that my Papa needed the encouragement. Visiting him and knowing how forgotten he must have been feeling recent, I was reminded of one of my greatest passions, visiting nursing homes. Those people are so forgotten sometimes and they just need encouragement and love. I’m praying about what my role could be in Waco in that area. I need to find that passion again. I need to find a lot of passion again. I feel like I have been so stagnant and today has been very hard for me. I woke up not just on the wrong side of the bed but in the wrong place of heart. As much as I have talked up fall and winter this year, I am really scared for it. I always get the end of summer blues. I’m praying against that this year but as the fall weather creeps in I know my mood changes with it. I’m fighting for continual discipline, a healthy lifestyle, and perseverance in Pi Phi and school. There are SO many things going on and I just don’t see any of it slowing down soon. I read Oswald Chamber’s every morning and this past week he is talking about living in the valley not just on the mountaintop with God. I feel like so much of my spiritual life recently has been in the valley, especially the attitude I woke up with this morning.
“We actually slander and dishonor God by our very eagerness to serve Him without knowing Him.”-Oswald Chamers
Often times I think I dishonor him in this way. I think, oh today I will serve him and show everyone Christs love when I haven’t even taken the time in that day to allow God to love on me. It goes back to continually working out our salvation daily. Just as I’m realizing life never slows down and I keep growing, it’s the same spiritually, God doesn’t just quit teaching us or loving on us, everyday is a chance to know him more and I think that is the ultimate motivation I have been lacking. An inward focus robs me of the life I am supposed to live. Or rather the life Christ is supposed to live through me.
God forgive me when I am tired and weary. I want my motivation in life to come from a healthy and daily relationship with you. I don’t want there to be anything between you and me. Take away all the baggage I have placed on myself and let me live in you. I love you and I’m thankful for today.